


White Lies

by justpeachyshua



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: (Spoiler alert: She's an OC woah), F/M, Her best friend is also in the group, I hope you like it nonethless, Reader is a member of a girl group :o, There's not so much "angst" and "fluff" it's kinda just a story you know?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9708404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpeachyshua/pseuds/justpeachyshua
Summary: I think it’s safe to say that everyone lies. Everyone, at some point in their life, has lied to spare someone’s feelings, to stay out of trouble, or to keep a secret. The white lies that kids tell disappear sooner or later. But the big lies are the ones that follow you around. Big lies are made up of tiny lies that continue to grow until you can’t keep track of what’s been told anymore. For me, the biggest lie I’ve ever told started with a Skype call at around 3 AM.





	1. Chapter 1: 3:00 AM

“Hey, babe. How was your day?” My voice came out croaky, partly because of vocal practice that day and partly because of how late it was. The light from my laptop stung my eyes a little in the darkness of the room, but I kept a smile on my face for the call. The dorm was entirely silent and I had to keep quiet when talking to Rocky. All of the girls were supposed to be asleep, but I stayed up to talk to him since we were never able to talk during the day due to our incredibly busy schedules.

You see, both of us were idols in rookie groups and if our loyalty to our music and work wasn’t enough to keep us apart, our dating bans were. Nobody in either of our groups was supposed to be dating anyone and if anyone was caught seeing someone, they faced hellish amounts of trouble. So, Rocky and I kept things secret. We didn’t talk that much during the day because we both had practice to deal with and we knew that we’d be surrounded by our groupmates. We left all the talking to the late hours of the night when everyone would be asleep.

“Hey,” He rubbed at his eyes to keep himself awake. I knew we were both tired, but it was worth it to have some time to talk. “It was pretty alright. I was working on some choreography for fun and Sanha wanted to try it out and ended up falling flat on his face. I laughed so hard I ended up falling with him.”

His laugh was quiet and stifled, and yet I couldn’t help but chuckle along. I could tell he was trying to stay quiet so as not to rouse the other members from his position in the living room.

“What about you? How has Aurora’s debut been?” He asked.

“It’s been good! We’ve been working hard on perfecting the dance for our title track. It’s soo difficult, though! I swear I’m the worst dancer in the group. Kimmy’s had to keep me back to teach me the moves at least ten times now,” I joked. Our group had been working ceaselessly to kick off our debut. We came from a small company, so we had to really push ourselves forward to get noticed. Thankfully, we were lucky enough to have an interview and live stage in the next month to boost ourselves. That meant getting our dances polished to perfection and that was proving to be difficult for me.

“I don’t think you’re bad at all,” He said. “Maybe you just need practice.”

“Don’t you think I’ve been practicing?” I teased. “Maybe I need you around to help, then, you dancing machine.”

“You know how much I want to be there. But you also know why that can’t work out,” He sighed.

I frowned and tried to change the subject. “I was just joking. Getting to talk to you at all is all that I need. Anyways, I’ve been working hard on writing lyrics for the next mini-album. It won’t be for a few months, but it’s always good to get a head start!”

He smiled. “That’s good. You are still finding time to relax, though, right? Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I could say the same to you, though. You’re always dancing, and if you’re not dancing then you’re writing lyrics, and if you’re not writing lyrics you’re probably still busy. Take a break sometime, okay?”

“Hey, don’t turn this back around on me,” He chuckled. “But I will. It’ll probably have to be later, though. I have a busy schedule tomorrow so I think I have to go to bed now.”

“And we just started talking, too. Well hopefully we can try to call again tomorrow,” I suggested.

“Yeah, of course. Night, babe.” He smiled before hanging up. I frowned as I watched the call drop and saw my faint reflection in the laptop screen. Our call had lasted somewhere around fifteen minutes and, although it was the best that we could get, I still wished that we could have had more time. These short talks were only ever filled with “How was your day?” and “Good. Yours?” and “Good” and “Goodnight.” We couldn’t have a real conversation and that’s all I wanted; I wanted that and to actually see him in front of me. I went to bed that night at about 3:24 AM with wishes of getting to see Rocky.


	2. Chapter 2: 12:00 PM

The next morning I was awoken by someone standing above me, shaking me awake. My eyes slowly opened and my vision cleared to reveal my roommate, Kimmy, mumbling incoherent swears as she tried to rouse me from my sleep.

When she saw that my eyes were open, she exclaimed, “Ahh finally you’re awake! Hurry, we need to get ready to be at the radio station by noon!”

I immediately sat up and knocked into Kimmy’s head, causing her to reel back in pain. I clutched my forehead as well but soon recovered. “That’s today?! I totally forgot!”

She let go of her own head then and grabbed my hand to pull me out of bed. “Yes, now hurry and get dressed because we’re leaving in an hour!”

I was filled with so much anticipation for getting to call Rocky the night before that I completely forgot that we were scheduled to be on KBS FM. I rushed to take a shower, get dressed, and put some basic makeup on before the rest of the members pulled me out of the bathroom so that we could get into the car. I sat in the back next to Kimmy and our youngest member, Hana. Hana was busy pestering the older members in the seats in front, so I took this time to talk to Kimmy about this morning.

“Why did you sleep in so late? What were you doing last night?” Kimmy poked. Kimmy knew that I was a morning person and would never sleep in if I didn’t absolutely have to. I wanted to tell her the truth but I didn’t want to risk it, even if she was my best friend.

“I was working on lyrics for the new title track,” I lied. “I know the others have been working hard on learning and practicing choreography so I thought I’d help out and get a headstart on the next mini-album.”

Kimmy eyed me suspiciously before accepting my excuse. “Hmm. Well, try not to stay up too late again. Even if you want to do the best that you can for the group, it’s not good to let your health suffer because of it.” She pulled a neck pillow from the bottom of her bag and handed it to me. “Here, take a nap while we drive. The station’s a bit far so you’ve got time.”

I rested my head against the pillow and tried to doze off. I knew that Kimmy didn’t completely believe me. I mean, who would be up until 3 AM working on lyrics? Still, she cared enough not to pry and I was glad for that.

Eventually, we arrived at the radio station and we all piled out of the car. I let the others pass ahead of me as we walked into the building. A good number of fans had heard that we were going to be on the show, so they stood along the edges of the entryway, holding signs with “AURORA” plastered across the front. Despite my tiredness, I shot a grin their way.

I felt a vibration from my phone in my jacket pocket so I pulled it out and saw that I had a text from Rocky. Curious, I opened the message.

_'Hey! I told the others that I wasn't feeling too well and they let me get out of practice today. Maybe we could try hanging out?’_

I bit the inside of my lip trying to come up with a response. I really wanted to go, but I had to be there for the radio show and I was positive we would have practice afterwards. Still, maybe there was something I could do. Who knew if I would get another chance to see him in person again?

_'We’re all at the radio station right now and we'll be here for maybe two hours? We can hang out afterwards if I can get out of practice lol’_

I put my phone back in my bag and caught up with the rest of the group. I tried to ignore any regret I may have had about agreeing and purged my mind of any non-Aurora related thoughts so that I could focus on the show.

Next thing I knew, the six of us were seated in front of our microphones and were waiting for the current song to end as we listened to the host’s instructions. He was going to introduce us as a group and have us all introduce ourselves individually before asking a few questions and having us sing some some songs. I’d never been on a radio show before, so I was hoping for the best.

Soon, the song finished and it was time for our interview. The host perked up and spoke into the mic. “Now, today, as you may know, we have special guests on the show. Here with us today are the new girl group, Aurora!” The staff in the studio clapped politely and we all bowed our heads. “Aurora debuted a few months ago with their first mini-album, ‘Ready, Set, Sound!’ and have been showing off their bright, jazzy concept in the MV for their song, ‘Bounce.’ Since we have the members here, they’ll introduce themselves!”

We went around the table saying our names and what our roles were in the group. It ended with Hana’s introduction before the host spoke again. “So, how has the transition from training to debut been for you all?”

Our leader, Sunmin, answered on behalf of us all and, as she spoke, I dazed off for a few minutes. As much as I appreciated the experience of being on the show, I couldn't stay focused with Rocky’s text still on my mind. Could I actually get out of practice today to see Rocky? How could I convince the others? How could I convince our manager? All of these thoughts ran through my head as I spaced out.

I tuned back in when I felt Kimmy nudge my arm next to me. I looked to the host as he was halfway through his question.

“--has told us you’re the worst at dancing in the group. Is that true?” He asked with a joking tone.

I chuckled a little. “I guess that’s probably true. I’m not the best at dancing and I normally need a lot of practice before I can get the choreography down. Most of my training was for singing and acting, so my dancing fell behind.”

“Well, you certainly don’t show it on stage! You must have someone who helps out with dancing, right? Who is it?”

I remembered mine and Rocky’s conversation that night and mentally scolded myself for thinking of him again. “Kimmy helps out the most as our lead dancer, but, really, the whole group does. I’m super grateful for their help.”

“Ah, that’s good! Speaking of Kimmy--” The host went on to ask Kimmy a few questions and some other general questions for the whole group. The questions were over after a few minutes and we performed some of the songs from our album as well as covers of some more popular groups. Once our segment of the show was through we all thanked the host and staff and bowed to show our gratitude.

We left the recording booth and were standing about the lobby waiting for some of the higher ups to finish talking with the staff at the station. I realized it was my time to figure out what to do about Rocky’s text. I mentally paced about and tried to decide how to go about this. Why did it have to be today? Literally, out of all 365 days in the year, the universe decided that today, one of my busier days, was the day that I had a chance of seeing Rocky. Well… if the universe was giving me a chance, was I really in a position to pass that up?

Before we left the building, I pulled our manager aside. I summoned my best acting abilities - after all, acting was a part of my training - and I tried to look my worst.

“Manager-nim, I think I might need to miss practice today. I don’t think dinner last night settled well with me. I went to bed really late, too. I’m really sorry, but I’m not feeling well.” I looked up at her with the best puppy eyes I could manage. I couldn’t believe I was lying to my own manager, but if I was doing it at all, I should at least do it well.

“Are you sure?” I nodded fervently. She sighed. “Okay, we’ll drive you back to the dorm before the girls go to the practice studio. Go to bed at an earlier hour next time, okay? You’re an idol now and you need to make sure you take care of yourself from now on.”

She rustled my hair and walked back to the rest of the group as they headed out. My gaze followed her movements, eyes wide with awe. I quickly ran to catch back up with everyone else and moved to the back of the group. That actually worked? I actually managed to convince the manager I was sick? It was that easy?

Kimmy fell to my side and turned to me with an eyebrow raised. “Not feeling well, huh?”

I turned and tried my best to whisper to her, “Don’t tell a single soul… But I’m gonna try to go shopping on my own. I just need some time on my own, I think. Promise not to tell?” There it was, the third lie I’d told in under twenty-four hours. Every signal in my brain was telling me to stop it there, but the lies had already started spiraling and there wasn’t much I could do about it.

She looked away as though she were seriously pondering then turned back to me with a sigh and a lopsided smile. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Sooo, I take that as a ‘yes’?”

She slapped my back. “Just go and pretend to be sick.” She pushed me closer to the front of the group and flashed me a grin. I turned forward again and internally celebrated my success. Operation Rocky was ago!


	3. Chapter 3: 2:00 PM

I walked around Kimmy and I’s room, mapping out a whole plan of what I would do. I had just been dropped off at the dorm with a bottle of indigestion medicine and the girls had gone to practice already. On my way back, I texted Rocky, telling him that we were done with the show and that I could meet up with him. I planned out my next moves: I would gather a disguise, leave for the cafe with my bag, and meet with Rocky. We’d have a nice, uninterrupted lunch of coffee and sweets and have a proper, longer-than-20-minute conversation. He’d take me back to the dorm, we’d stand under the faded street lights, and he would come in close as he pulled me in for--

My daydream was cut off by the pinging of my phone, signalling that I had received a text. I scurried to my bunk and opened the message.

_‘Are we on for lunch? I’ll be at the cafe in about 10 minutes so I hope to see you there ;p’_

I smiled down at my phone and typed out my response.

_‘Is that even a question? I’ll see you soon ^^’_

I quickly pulled on an old t-shirt and jeans and adorned a cap and sunglasses before heading out for the cafe. My face was fairly hidden so I hoped for the best, keeping my head ducked. I walked through the winding streets and came across the small, colorful cafe. The sign that hung above swung in the breeze and, as I stepped inside, a tiny bell rang. I couldn’t help but smile at how quaint the little store was. It smelled like fresh bread and, overall, was comfortable and warm.

My eyes wandered around the room before landing on a blue cap, huddled over a sweatshirt and a phone. I strode over to the table and took a seat in front of him, resting my chin in my hands before humming to catch his attention. He jumped in his seat and looked up at me before laughing and actually greeting me.

“You actually made it!” He exclaimed. “Part of me was worried that you might’ve gotten caught when you said you had to be at the radio station today.” Looking down at his hands, I saw them fidgeting with his phone. He was probably equally as nervous and excited as I was. It was cute.

“Yeah, well I managed to convince our manager that I was sick and she let me get dropped off at the dorm. I’m also pretty sure most of the staff are out getting lunch together so they probably won’t notice if I’m not there.”

I clasped my own hands on the table to avoid fidgeting like Rocky. All I could do after that was look at him, there in front of me, in the flesh. Of course, I’d seen him in person before. Actually, the first time I saw him was backstage at KCON LA. We were performing on the same day, both as rookies, and so we talked about it. Talked about how nerve-wracking it was to be performing in America for the first time, talked about our interests in singing and rapping, talked about how weird our other members were (but how much we loved them just the same). We talked about a lot of things and I guess that prompted us to keep in touch. It hadn’t occurred to me then that our busy schedules would keep us from seeing each other all that often and that, if we did want to meet, it would have to be in secret. I was grateful for this moment, trying to cherish it as if it were one of the only moments I would have with him, which it very well could have been.

Our eyes wandered quite aimlessly (and awkwardly), searching for something to discuss. It seemed that we both had a lot that we wanted to say up until this point, but, in the moment, it was hard to say anything. I guess since our conversations were limited to Skype calls, we couldn’t always talk about the intricate details of our days and lives. Because of this it was hard to think of conversation starters.

“It’s a bit awkward, isn’t it?” Rocky chuckled nervously. I looked up and saw him rubbing at the back of his neck. “Maybe we should order something.”

I nodded and offered to go up and grab our food. I soon sat down again with coffee for the both of us and a chocolate muffin for myself. I asked the first question of the conversation then. “So, now that we have time to talk, what’s up?”

Rocky picked a piece of my muffin off and popped it into his mouth. “Well, we’ve all been training for the ISACs coming up and--”

I cut him off there, holding a finger up to halt him. “Uh uh uh! No idol talk. We finally have time to talk so I wanna talk about us as people. Plus we are trying to stay hidden.” I pressed my finger to my lips.

He gave a little grin and continued, “Okay, well, I’ve been a little stressed lately but I’m doing my best not to let it show. I’ve been using face masks non-stop to clear my skin. I’ve also been drinking more tea. It’s not my favorite, but it’s supposed to be healing and all, ya know.”

I cupped my drink in my hands. “You should add honey to your tea. It makes it a lot more enjoyable and helps your throat more. Even if you don’t sing as much, rapping must strain the vocal chords just as much.”

“I will, promise. What about you? I know we’re trying to avoid ‘idol talk’,” he made air quotes with his fingers, “but I’m curious; How’s your dancing going?”

I tapped my nails against the ceramic coffee cup and let the soft _‘clink’_ noise stall my thinking. “It hasn’t really changed since last night when you asked me, but it’s alright. I really am getting help from the others. You know, it’s kind of funny actually. On the radio show, they asked me the same question and when they asked if I got help from anyone, my first thought was of you.”

Rocky raised an eyebrow and heat rose to my face when I realized what I had said. “I mean, I didn’t make much of it, of course! I didn’t mention you or anything, it was just kind of odd. I wished I could’ve mentioned you.”

I took a sip of my coffee and looked out the window next to us to settle down. Outside, people were bustling about. It was a Sunday afternoon and so people were busy; There were friends going shopping, workmen grabbing lunch, and couples going on dates.

I turned back to Rocky and set my cup down so I could place my hands on his. I traced his knuckles with my thumbs and kept my eyes on his hands. “You know, you should teach me to dance. Or rap. Or something, anything. I just want to hear and see you more.”

He moved his hands out from under mine and placed them on mine in return. I looked back up at him and saw him peering at my hands, mimicking my previous actions. “And what would I get in return?” He looked up at me, eyes teeming with playful curiosity.

“An awesome time with me?” I smiled to convince him and he feigned being deep in thought. “Okay. How about this, then? I’ll learn to play the ukulele and I’ll write a whole song about how wonderful you are and how you’re the absolute best rapper in the whole world. I’ll even throw some cowbell in there.”

He tried to hold in his laughter but cracked and let go of my hands to cover his face. He straightened up and shook his head. “I wasn’t sold until you mentioned the cowbell.” 

“Is that a deal, then?”

He stroked his invisible beard and tapped his chin. “Weeeelll, I’ll-” He was cut off then by a girl who approached our table. She looked to be about 14 and was holding a sparkly notebook and pen in her shaking hands.

“Excuse me, but are you Rocky? Rocky from ASTRO?” She asked nervously. We both looked towards each other, realizing that we - or at least Rocky - had been recognized. Rocky cooled down and nodded in affirmation before greeting the girl, signing her notebook, and taking a photo with her. I stayed silent the whole time, trying my best to miraculously turn invisible. I had hoped that she would leave without noticing me, but I winced when I heard her speak next.

“I’m sorry. If you don’t me asking, who’s this?” She pointed to me as I tried to look away. She had only asked an innocent question as a fan but I really wanted to disappear in that moment because of it.

Rocky looked worriedly at me and bit the inside of his lip. This was it. The end of my career, my relationship, my life. Thanks, Universe. It’s been nice.

I hesitated, my mind torn between answering her or running away. So, I ran. I grabbed my bag, leaving my coffee and my date behind, and practically sprinted out of the cafe. I ran without anywhere to go since I didn’t want her or anyone following me back to the dorm if I was actually recognized.

I slowed down as I approached a jewelry store and sat on a bench outside. I was pretty far from the cafe now and regret was hitting me. _Running? Seriously?! I wanted to avoid answering her question and getting caught but I ended up seeming more suspicious!_

I lay my head in my hands and soon my view of the concrete was obstructed by a pair of sneakers. I looked up and saw Rocky standing with his hand held out to me. I inspected it and, when I saw nothing, took it in mine and stood up. Without word, he started walking me somewhere, keeping a quick pace. We found ourselves in front of what I could only assume was the boys’ dorm. Rocky led me inside, checking to see that no one was watching us go in and then rushing me up the stairs. When we reached Rocky’s (and Jinjin, Sanha, and MJ’s) room, he sat me down on one of the bunks and sat across from me.

“Why did you take me back to the dorm?” I half-mumbled. My eyes were glued to the floorboards as I filled with more regret. I didn’t want to look up considering the embarrassment I caused him.

Rocky moved to my side and hesitantly placed an arm around my shoulder, clearly unsure of what to do. “It’s okay. You acted in the moment.” He didn’t answer my question but I knew what he meant and, despite how awkward he may have been physically, he somehow knew what to say.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and let out a deep sigh. “Why did it have to be today, though? I finally get to see you in person again and we both get recognized. Not to mention how I literally ran away!” I hid my face in my hands and pulled my knees up.

He moved his hand down to rub my back. After a moment of silence, he pulled away and moved my hands away from my face. “Look at me. It’ll be fine, I promise. It was one fan. We won’t get caught.”

At that moment, we heard the front door open and we both looked at each other, worry plastered on our faces. One of the guys must have come back early or taken a break from practice and stopped by the dorm. Rocky quickly pushed me off the bed and ushered me under it. I rolled under the bunk as the door opened and I held my breath. As I lay on the hardwood floor I thought about just how ironic this situation was. As soon as I embarrass myself in front of a fan and finally escape, one of the guys gets back. Just how bad could my luck get?

I heard the room’s door open and a voice speak. “Hey, Rocky. How are you feeling?”

“Moonbin!” Rocky let out a weak cough and I could practically see the look on his face, trying to convince Moonbin that he was sick. “I’m feeling a little better but I could afford to stay in bed, I think.”

Moonbin’s steps sounded against the floor as he walked closer to Rocky. “I brought a water bottle back for you just in case your throat was dry. Do you think you’ll be better by dinner? We’re going to try to-” He stopped mid-sentence. “Whose bag is that?”

I froze. In my efforts to hide under the bed in time I completely forgot to hide my purse.

“Oh, uh, that’s mine!” I saw the bed shift as Rocky moved over to grab the bag. “I ordered it online and it came in just now! Just needed something to keep all my… stuff in.” I wanted to actually slap him across the back of the head for saying that, and I would have if I hadn’t been hiding under the bed. There was _no way_ that Moonbin was going to believe that.

“Hmm okay. Well, I was hoping to talk to you about the choreography for the aerobics portion of the ISACs.” I was in shock over just how Moonbin managed to believe that but was interrupted by the weight of Moonbin sitting down on the bunk next to Rocky. As he sat suddenly, the mattress weighed down and knocked some dust into my face. I could feel the particles tickling my nose and before I knew it a loud sneeze echoed through the room.

“What was that?” Moonbin stood up suddenly. I held my hands over my face and stopped breathing. I closed my eyes and prayed to every god imaginable that I wouldn’t get caught.

Rocky also stood then and tried to cover it up. “It was my ringtone! I have my notification noise set really loud so I never miss a notification!” He laughed nervously. “That sounded like it came from under the bed, though,” Moonbin said warily. Sounds of protest came from Rocky as he tried to distract Moonbin to no avail. I saw Moonbin’s knees drop to the ground first and soon met his eyes as he peered under the bed. For a few seconds I looked at him with a worried expression while he just looked confused. Soon, he stood again and addressed Rocky. “Why is there a girl under your bunk?”

Rocky stuttered. “I-I, uh… I don’t have an excuse.” His voice sounded defeated. He called out to me, “You can come out now.”

I awkwardly shuffled out from under the bed and sat on the edge of the bunk, patting my hair down with my hands. I sat with my hands clasped and my eyes fixed on my feet while Rocky explained the events of the past hour and everything leading up to today. I looked down so I wouldn’t have to see Moonbin. I’d talked to him before during KCON, but now I was too worried to even look him in the eyes.

When Rocky finally finished his story, Moonbin spoke up. “So, let me get this right. You guys have been dating in secret this whole time since KCON and didn’t want to get caught. So that’s why you’ve been calling each other at night,” he pointed at me and I looked up, “and why you ran, and why you also hid under the bed.”

Rocky and I both nodded without speaking. Moonbin finally broke the silence. “Man, that’s really sad.”

I finally said something. “So, are you going to tell the rest of the group?”

Moonbin glanced away. “Well… You two must really like each other to be this dedicated to your relationship. Plus I don’t think it would be right of me to spill your secret.” He looked at me again. “And I think you two deserve to stay together. So, no. I won’t tell the rest of the group.”

Rocky launched out of his spot on the bed and wrapped his arms around Moonbin in a hug. “Thank you so much, Moonbin! You have no idea how grateful I am for this!” Rocky pulled back and sat back down again. “Alright, so it's decided that I won't tell anyone because I'm a good friend,” Moonbin said with a playful edge. “But you guys will still have to be careful. Maybe today was just a bad day, but you can't risk getting caught again.”

“You’re right,” I added. “I’ve already gained us too much attention today. Not to mention how suspicious Kimmy and the other girls are of me now.” I sighed deeply. “I feel terrible about it.”

Moonbin ruffled my hair in an act of comfort. “It’s okay. It’s already happened so all you two can do now is be more cautious. For now, you might want to go, though. I think the rest of the guys are coming back soon and it might take you awhile to get back to your dorm.”

Rocky jumped up. “Oh, you’re right! Hold on, lemme grab you something to wear out.” Rocky sped over to the closet and pushed the other members’ clothes back until he pulled out a sweatshirt. He crossed back to me and handed me the sweatshirt along with the cap he was wearing earlier. “Here, wear these and you shouldn’t be too recognizable.” 

I smiled and slipped the sweatshirt on over my t-shirt and swapped my cap for his. I stood up then, grabbing my bag and getting ready to leave. I turned to Moonbin. “You’re a lifesaver, you know that? I’m really grateful.” I gave him a quick hug. His shoulders went up in surprise, but he hugged me back soon after.

I began walking over to the door but was interrupted by Rocky. “Ah, wait!” I turned back around and he ran up to kiss me on the cheek. I felt the heat rise to my face and immediately turned around uttering a small “B-bye!” on my way out. I shut the room door behind me and heard what was presumably the sound of Moonbin hitting Rocky followed by a yelp from the latter. I stifled a laugh and held my hand up to my cheek. Grinning, I left and began my walk back to the Aurora dorm with my heart practically beating out of my chest.


	4. Chapter 4: 4:00 PM

I unlocked the door to the dorm and listened to see if anyone was back from practice yet. When nothing met my ears, I slowly closed the door behind me and headed towards the bedroom. As soon as I opened the door, the smile on my face dropped. Kimmy was sitting on the edge of my bed and her eyebrow raised in her signature expression - the one that just screamed judgement. I lowered my head and walked over to the dresser to set my bag down.

“So where were you?” She asked from behind me. I was having vague memories of being lectured back at home by my parents for staying out too late. The fact that she could evoke that same feeling gave me chills.

Without turning back around to her I answered, “Out shopping like I told you earlier.”

“Really? Because, I don’t mean to be critical, but you don’t have any shopping bags. And you are most definitely not wearing any article of clothing from this dorm.”

I hesitated. I completely forgot I was even wearing Rocky’s sweatshirt. I looked down at the name of the sports brand printed across the front. She was right. I would never wear athletic clothes outdoors.

Warily, I turned around to face her. I spilled. “Okay, so I wasn’t out shopping. I was meeting a… friend out at a cafe nearby.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. She eyed the sweatshirt and cap again. “Was it… a boy?”

I was quick to deny her claim. “No! Of course not! I would never! Me, speaking to a boy?! Insane!”

“Don’t lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself so don’t even try to fool me.”

I moved to defense. “I told you already. I was just out shopping.” My voice was firm and unusually aggressive.

She stood and moved over to me. “Be honest with me. Please. I know something’s up.”

I couldn’t hold my ground and so I caved in. “Fine. It was a boy. You caught me. Just go and tell the others already.” My shoulders fell and my heart sank.

In a second Kimmy’s hand was on my shoulder. I looked up to see her eyebrows pushed together in sympathy. “I'm not gonna tell the others.” She led me to the edge of the bed and sat me down. “I just want to know why you didn't tell me. Because it must be big if it bugs you this much.”

From there, I told her everything from initially meeting Rocky to our late calls to everything from that day. I avoided using his name so that I could keep him out of trouble and hoped that Kimmy wouldn’t ask who it was. As I talked, she listened attentively, nodding along with every point of the story. Going over this narrative for what seemed like the hundredth time in under twenty-four hours felt repetitive but it was relieving at the same time.

After I finished, she took a moment to think. “I’ll keep your secret. I promise.”

“Really?!” I practically jumped from pure shock.

“Of course! Do you really think I would rat you out as your best friend?!” She grabbed onto my shoulders. “I’m always looking out for you, you know that.”

I leaned forward to hug her and smiled into the faceful of hair I was greeted with. I pulled back. “So, you’re really not upset that I’ve had a boyfriend this whole time?”

“Not at all. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me sooner. I mean, I suppose it makes sense considering how strange you’ve been acting lately, but I never really would’ve guessed.” I brushed off her somewhat backhanded statement, but was alarmed by what she asked next. “So, who is it?”

I opened my mouth, beginning to formulate some kind of excuse as to why I couldn’t answer that but was cut off. “And don’t lie to me. I want the truth.”

I closed my mouth and started over. “Alright. So you know ASTRO from Fantagio?”

She gasped. “Yes! Oh my gosh, you aren’t dating one of them are you?” I nodded and she gasped again, louder. “Oh that’s so cute! They’re such a good, cute, bright group they’re just for you! So who is it?”

“Rocky,” I said meekly. I was a bit embarrassed by the attention she was giving me but let it happen.

“Good taste~” She slapped my arm playfully and I couldn’t help but smile. “He’s a handsome one. And he raps and dances right?” I nodded once again. “So talented! You struck gold, for sure.”

We took a moment to let our laughter out. After the stressfulness of today I really needed some time just to talk to Kimmy. It was almost therapeutic.

She grabbed my hands. “I promise that I won’t let you guys get caught. Got it?” I hummed in agreement. She let go of my hands and pointed a finger at me. “And I’ll break him if he hurts you, too. Don’t think I won’t go to lengths to protect you.”

I laughed at her ridiculousness and hugged her. “Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll need you to do that. I have faith in us.”

She pulled away and smoothed down my hair. “I’m glad we had this talk. I have to get back to practice, though. I told everyone I was going to check up on you and when I saw you weren’t here I thought I’d just wait it out. They’re probably wondering where I am now.” She got ready to head back to the main building. “Oh and you should probably change out of those before anyone gets back and sees you in your boyfriend’s clothes.”

She left then with a sly wink and I blushed a little at her use of the word ‘boyfriend’. He really was my boyfriend, huh? Now people knew, though, so we would have to keep it on the downlow. Then again, it wasn’t like we were alone on this mission.


	5. Chapter 5: 12:00 PM - 5 PM

The next few weeks were fairly mundane in comparison to that day. Rocky and I followed Moonbin’s advice and were extra cautious from then on. Our late night calls became a little longer at the expense of having them at even later times. Well, they were more like early morning calls at that point. We would wake up at hours as early as 4:00 or 5:00 to talk and would just get a head start on the day afterwards. Not much of a reaction to this was had other than an assumption that we just suddenly became morning people. Anytime that any of the other girls tried to ask me why I woke up so early, Kimmy would back me up and say that I was getting some more exercise and practice in so I could keep up with the choreography. While slightly insulting, it was believable, so I stuck with it. As for Moonbin, Rocky said that he hadn’t told a soul about the two of us, which was relieving. Rocky and I continued texting during the day as well, but it seemed to slow since we didn’t want to run any more risks. All in all, things seemed to return to normal. Or as close to normal as we could get.

Fast forward to a cool, Friday afternoon, just hours before our first live performance and interview since KCON. I sat in a colorful chair watching one of our stylists dart around me as she curled my hair for the performance. My phone vibrated in my hand and I instantaneously looked down to see what the notification was for. The stylist scolded me for moving my head but I ignored and continued reading.

_‘Good luck at your live stage today! I’ll be watching from the dorm <3’_

I grinned and made sure no one could read over my shoulder. The stylist was focused on putting product into my hair so I resumed.

_‘Shouldn’t you be at practice right about now lol?’_

_‘I’ll have you know that we actually have the day off so I’m able to watch as much TV as I want’_

_‘Well I hope you enjoy the performance! I gotta go, though. Getting styled’_

I returned to watching the stylist. She had moved on to my makeup so I relaxed my face and tried to make some small talk as she applied my base makeup. Alas, I was moving too much again, so I stopped.

Once my makeup was on and my hair was done, I moved over to where Kimmy was getting hers done and started wandering about. Once the stylist left to grab a bag of makeup she left in the other room, I rushed over to Kimmy’s seat.

She looked at me through the mirror. “Hey. Rock say anything?”

“He said he’s gonna watch the performance today. Hopefully he actually has a day off and he’s not skipping practice or anything.”

I fidgeted with the necklace around my neck. Kimmy noticed and reassured me. “Don’t be nervous. You’ll do great. You’ve got the choreo down and you can sing like it’s nobody’s business. Plus we’ll have a little test run first.”

I nodded. “Thanks. I don’t know why I’m so freaked out in the first place. Maybe because it’s been so long since we last performed.”

Kimmy turned around and patted my shoulder. “It’s fine. Just go and relax. You’ve been way too stressed! I don’t need your bad aura!” She pointed a jokingly accusatory finger at me, making me giggle.

“I have no idea what you m-”

“Bad aura!” She interrupted me, spinning me around and pushing me in the opposite direction. I followed her word and moved into the room nextdoor so I could eat a snack and ease up before the performance. Most of the other girls were still getting their hair and makeup done, some even still getting dressed, so I opted to rummage through the mini-fridge. I approached our manager to ask where it was.

“Ah, manager-nim, do you know where the mini-fridge is? I was gonna eat a snack but I’m not sure where the fridge is.”

“Sure, it’s over here,” She led me over to the opposite side of the room and opened the fridge to pull out a parfait that had a sticky note with my name scrawled on it. Before I could walk away, she stopped me. I turned back around, parfait half in my mouth.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” She asked me calmly. I furrowed my brow in confusion. She had never asked to talk to me in private before.

“Uh, yeah, of course.” I walked with her as she led me out to the hallway. I had another moment of deja vu; It felt as if I were a kid again, being led out of class by a teacher.

“So, it’s come to my attention that some stories have surfaced about you.” I dropped my spoon into the parfait cup. I swallowed what little there was in my mouth, noting how difficult it was to keep it down.

When I didn’t respond, she took it as a sign for her to go on. She took out her phone and pulled out a post from a fansite. The post talked about Rocky and I getting spotted at the cafe after that girl came up to us and after I ran. On my way out, I guess some others had noticed mine and Rocky’s escape and captured the moment. Below the post were photos of the two of us sitting while the girl stood in front of our table, photos of me hastily leaving the cafe, and of Rocky running after me.

I had no words. After all of Rocky’s and Moonbin’s and even Kimmy’s reassurances, we were still caught in the end. Each of my breaths was short and got caught in my throat, almost. I stared at the phone unblinking. There wasn’t anything I could do or say to deny what was clearly in front of us.

“Manager-nim, I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t find it in me to continue that sentence. It would be for nothing.

“This was the day of the radio show, right?” I nodded. “So, instead of staying in the dorm when you said you were feeling sick, you went out on a date. You know what kind of consequences this has.”

I bit my lip to avoid becoming more upset or, worse, crying. She continued, “Not only did you lie to me and your members, but you also met with a boy from another group. If it were a childhood friend or anyone else, it wouldn’t have been as scandalous. But since he is an idol, a member of another rookie group, no less, you could both be in a lot of trouble.”

“I-I’m so sorry. I know.” I kept my head down. Even after seeing the evidence with my own eyes and hearing everything come from her mouth, I still couldn’t register what had happened.

“Hey, look at me,” She pushed my chin up and looked me in the eyes. “I may be upset, but I’m not furious. Not yet, at least. Only a few people caught photos so… there may be a way that we can cover it up.”

“Really?” I was full of disbelief.

“Possibly. You’re lucky that your disguise was good enough and that you’re still relatively unknown,” she began. _Ouch._ “We can try to cover it up by giving you an alibi and having you release a statement.”

I almost sighed with relief then.

“But,” and there was the catch, “you’re going to have to stop seeing this boy.” My heart dropped. “You only need to get caught once to have rumors follow you so we’re not going to push our limits. Do you understand?”

I nodded without a word. It seemed as if I were doing that a lot: nodding and agreeing. This time I didn’t mean it, though. I didn’t want this at all. I didn’t want to give this all up - the sleep lost, the hours spent calling and talking, the fun anecdotes exchanged - so early on into our relationship. But I couldn’t do anything else without jeopardizing everything I worked for. So I nodded and agreed.

“Good.” She looked at my solemn expression and saw some sympathy flash across her face. “I’m sorry about how sudden this is, but you’re an idol now. It’s a part of being in the spotlight.” She patted my shoulder and walked towards some of the other staff members. I remained there with my parfait still clutched in my hand. I had completely lost my appetite so, with an unexpected force, I threw it into a nearby trash bin.

I wandered the hallway urgently, feeling tears stinging the back of my eyes, until I found a secluded lounging room. I closed the door behind me and curled up on a sofa against the back wall. I had no idea what to do. What could I say to Rocky? Or Kimmy, even? It was all so sudden…

Hot tears fell down my face, but I wasn’t sobbing. I was so shocked that I had barely even noticed when I started crying until minutes in when I felt a headache approaching. I gripped my head and shut my eyes. I felt a vibration from my phone and remembered that I had it in my pocket. Displayed on the screen was another text from Rocky.

_‘You’re probably still busy right now, but I’m excited to see you! Fighting!!’_

I threw my phone to the sofa across the room, refusing to respond or even open the message. I couldn’t think of how to tell Rocky nor did I even want to.

I heard muffled talking from out in the hallway and approached the door so I could listen. The only words I could make out were ‘15 more minutes,’ so, looking up at the clock, I figured that the performance would be starting soon. I picked my phone back up before using my sleeves to wipe at my face and checking my reflection. My makeup was waterproof, thankfully, and hadn’t smudged all that much, not that I was wearing much in the first place. I figured there would be questions, though, so I did my best to clean up before leaving the room.

I couldn’t tell if I was correct, but I thought I felt eyes on me as I walked back into the waiting room with the other girls. I avoided looking at anybody and walked directly to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. As I went to take a swig, Kimmy hurried over and pulled me to the corner by my arm. I almost spilled water over myself as I mentally cursed - this had been the second time I was interrupted in my snacking.

Before I could say anything, Kimmy started talking, as per usual. “What’s wrong?”

I coughed, partially in hesitation and partially because of the water lodged in my throat. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“I heard manager-nim mention you and it’s been 20 minutes since then and I can tell you’ve been crying, so be honest with me and tell me what’s wrong.”

I averted my eyes. “I’m fine. You should go. It’s almost time to practice on stage so you might want to rest your voice or something.”

She looked hurt for a moment, then worried. I’d never been blunt with her like that so she was surprised, to say the least. At seeing her expression, I wanted to respond, but I stayed quiet. She gave up on trying to interrogate me and walked away, looking back at me with concern. I gulped and downed my water to distract myself from speaking.

Shortly, our practice was over and we were standing backstage, preparing for our performance. The audience were filing into their seats and the staff were rushing around to set up lights and sounds and this and that. I twisted the bracelets around my wrist and let out a deep breath I had been holding.

“Now Aurora will perform their new title track, ‘Bounce!’” I let out my tenth deep breath and watched the rest of the girls pass in front of me and head on stage. Kimmy was the last one before me to go ahead and I felt guilt rise in me immediately. I shook my head and walked onstage with them. 

The loud, thumping bass of the song kicked in as we got into formation. As the melody began and Hana started singing the first few lines, we all danced along. I was in the back for this part, so I took it upon myself to look into the audience. With a smile on my face, I scanned the joyful faces and various handmade signs and banners. I was beginning to move with the music and forget about all of the drama. As my eyes moved across the sea of fans, I came across a familiar face and felt my whole facade drop.

There, in the middle of the audience, was Rocky with his arms raised high above his head. All music surrounding me became silent. Any and all sound refused to reach my ears at that point. I lost my rhythm and could barely keep up dancing then. Rocky said that he would be watching from home. He said that he had a day off and was spending it at home. He did not say he was coming to the show.

Everything rushed back to me when I realized no one was singing. Hana had finished her lines and it was supposed to be my turn then, but I was frozen at the back, unmoving. The other members looked at me, urging me to pick up on my line but I was stiff like a deer in headlights. My instincts kicked in, favoring flight over fight, and I ran off stage. As the backing track played on, I heard Kimmy hesitantly fill in my part. I speed-walked past staff members who were trying to reach out to me, but I made a beeline for the waiting room. This time I knew I was crying and I knew my makeup wouldn’t stand a chance against my tears. I swiped at the tears rolling down my face and didn’t notice when I was being obstructed by someone. I looked up to see manager-nim. She quickly pulled me away from the hallway and out of the building entirely. We stood in front of the van. She looked at me expectantly so I stepped into the passenger seat. She entered the driver’s side and we started driving.

I sniffled. “Where are we going?” I muttered.

“Back to the dorm,” she replied shortly. I looked out the window and saw the blur of the surroundings. I could tell she was driving as fast as she could, most likely so she could make it back in time for the end of the performance. I squeezed my eyes shut in shame and clutched at my hair. I huffed out short breaths and tried to hold back even more tears. Why, _why_ did Rocky have to be there? I just wanted to forget about it all, to ignore it. I didn’t want to think about breaking up with Rocky. I didn’t want to think about never being able to call him again. I didn’t want to think about losing touch with the ASTRO boys. I didn’t want to think about not hearing about their silly moments. I didn’t want to think about not being able to hear Rocky’s voice talking to me and me only. I wanted to ignore it as soon as I had it in mind.

Manager-nim glanced over at me and tried to pat my shoulder while still driving. “Hey, calm down. I’m taking you back to the dorm so you can settle down and rest. I know you’re already stressed. You need time.”

I took a shaky breath. Maybe… Maybe manager-nim was right. I needed time to calm down and think rationally. Already, I’d had two instances where I caused others to worry and get suspicious of me because of my rash decisions. I tried to push away thoughts of what the others would say when they got back and what Rocky would say when he got back. I wiped at the last of my tears and focused on the buildings and people blurring by. On our way back, we passed by the cafe that Rocky and I met at. I quietly asked for us to stop there. In a few minutes, manager-nim came back to the car with two coffees in hand.

She didn’t ask for context but just hummed and took a sip from her cup. We drove to the dorm in silence from there, not even the sound of the radio to distract either of us. She pulled into the parking lot and asked me to get out on my own, making sure I had a key to get in and explaining that she had to get back to the performance as soon as possible. She drove off after that and I was alone.

I trudged up to our dorm and made my way into the bathroom. Upon looking at my reflection I winced. My eyeliner was smudged around the edges and my eyes and nose were red. I pulled some makeup wipes out and removed my makeup, leaving the rest of my face red after that. As I shuffled over to the bedroom, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Then again. And again and again. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw one text from Rocky and many more from Kimmy. Tentatively, I opened the messages, beginning with Kimmy’s.

_‘Are you okay???’_

_‘What happened?’_

_‘Where did you go??’_

_‘Please answer me :(‘_

_‘I’m worried about you come on what’s wrong??!?!’_

_‘Manager-nim told me you’re back at the dorm. I hope you’re okay. I’ll bring you back some ice cream’_

I weakly smiled. Kimmy really worried about me and she was relentless in her efforts to take care of me. It was impossible to ever be upset at her, so I only felt worse knowing that I had concerned her earlier. Next, I opened Rocky’s message.

_‘Hey, are you okay? I saw you run off stage and I’m worried. You looked really pale. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself since I can’t be there. Call me when you can <3’_

I shut my phone off and tossed it onto the bed next to me. I took a deep breath and let out a groan into my pillow. After a moment of silence I turned over to look at the bunk above mine and then shut my eyes. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. I was exhausted beyond all belief so I had just slipped into a nap.

I woke up to the feeling of someone’s hand going through my hair. Sitting next to me on the bed was Kimmy who had pulled the blankets up to cover me. She had also apparently gone through with her plan to bring me back ice cream as a small tub of Häagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream was on the nightstand next to me.

“Are you feeling better, now?” Kimmy asked, her tone oddly gentle. She was normally so exuberant. It was strange hearing her voice like that.

I sat up and smoothed my hair down. “Yeah. I just fell asleep I guess.” I checked the time on my phone and saw that I had been out for three hours.

“The rest of the girls went out to eat. I told them to go ahead while I stayed back to watch you,” she explained. “Do you think you could tell me what happened now?”

I breathed in. Then breathed out. I opened my mouth to begin explaining when a _ding_ resounded from my phone. We both looked and read the notification which said that Rocky had sent me another text.

_‘I’ll call you now, okay?’_

Then, my phone began to ring, signifying an incoming video call from Rocky. I slowly accepted the call and braced myself for what was to come.

Rocky’s face appeared on my screen. I could see that he was back in the dorm and he seemed to be alone. “Hey! Oh my God, are you okay? I wanted to surprise you today so I got a ticket to the live performance but I saw you run off stage during the performance. You looked so frightened and you were pale. Please tell me you ate or drank something. You’re not sick are you?”

I stuttered in formulating a sentence. Rocky was anxious because of me. He was flustered and he rambled on and on because of me. I didn’t know what to say other than-

“Rocky. I-I… I’m sorry.” I mustered.

He cocked his head to the side, perplexed. “Why? Don’t feel sorry. I was just worried about you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay-”

“Rocky!” I interrupted him, my voice getting louder. Both Kimmy and Rocky were startled by this. “I can’t talk to you right now. We… We can’t see each other anymore. We were caught. I’m really sorry. I love you.” I hung up the video call hurriedly and let my phone fall out of my hand. Kimmy stared at me, her mouth agape.

“Manager-nim didn’t mention… I-I’m so sorry.” Kimmy leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me. I buried my face in her hair and let myself cry - let the tears slowly roll. My breaths rattled in my chest and came out unevenly. Kimmy slowly and comfortingly rubbed my back as I cried as she murmured reassurances to me.

I recollected myself and began to properly explain things to Kimmy. “When Rocky and I got caught, the photos were spread throughout fansites and manager-nim found out. She told me that I needed to stop seeing Rocky if I wanted to continue being an idol. I had gotten us into too much trouble. So, I tried to forget about it all and forget about what I would have to say eventually. But, when we started performing, I saw him in the audience. I froze and I didn't know what to do. So, I ran. And now I can't talk to him ever again…”

“Shh it’s okay. It’s okay, it’ll be okay.” She said.

“I just wish I hadn’t done anything. I wish I hadn’t run from the cafe, I wish I hadn’t frozen up on stage. Hell, I wish I hadn’t answered Rocky’s call. Now he’s probably confused and hurt and it breaks my heart.”

Kimmy used her sleeve to wipe my face. “You can’t change what’s already happened. All we can do right now is try to move forward.”

“Mmm,” I hummed. I sniffled and noticed the ice cream on the nightstand again. I didn’t want it to melt, so I picked it up and broke off the plastic spoon on the inside of the lid.

Kimmy beamed. “That’s the spirit. Ice cream is always good for the heart.” She dipped a finger into the ice cream and tasted it. “Do you want to watch something to take your mind off of it?”

I nodded and ate the ice cream. She pulled my laptop up from off of the floor and opened Netflix. As she scrolled through the various good and cheesy movies, my mind drifted off. As heartbroken as I was, Kimmy found a way to try and cheer me up. I was grateful to have a friend like her. For the past few weeks she had been by my side. She listened to me when I talked about Rocky’s texts, laughed when I relayed all of the jokes and stories he told me, and offered advice when I needed it. For everything she had done for me I only showed compliance, never appreciation. I took for granted just how good Kimmy was to me. She was my best friend. She would help me get through anything.


	6. Chapter 6: 6:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Months passed by and I began to recover. With Kimmy’s help, I focused my attention on writing lyrics and practicing choreography. I worked out more often and got full nights of sleep. I was able to eat dinner with the rest of the members more often and I was starting to feel… happier. Happier than I was before, at least.

It was KCON season again and we were lucky enough to be invited for the second time! With a comeback on the way, we were excited to get to perform again. The weeks leading up to KCON were filled with exhilaration and barely any of us could sleep when it came time to board the plane to L.A. This year, there would be a special rookie stage that we were going to be a part of. Various groups that debuted in 2016 would perform their individual songs, the guy groups would perform one song, the girl groups would perform another, and it would end with all of the groups performing a medley of songs from the year. It was a bold move on KCON’s part, but we were thrilled.

The whole process of arriving to L.A., settling into our hotel, and going through individual preparations for the concert seemed to drag on in the moment but ultimately zoomed by faster than I could’ve imagined. Almost in the blink of an eye, we were doing a short Q&A just before the concert with an sea of fans below us. The host asked general questions, translating between English and Korean. They were simple, things like ‘Where are your favorite places to go in L.A?’ and ‘What’s the weirdest difference between here and Korea?’, things like that. Realizing that the concert stadium would be filling up extremely soon and that we would need to be heading out to be backstage in time, he switched to asking us about the concert.

“So, how are you guys feeling about the new rookie stage? Are you excited?” He asked enthusiastically.

We all nodded and I took the opportunity to answer the question. “We’re all really happy to to be at KCON again and to be a part of the rookie stage. We’ve been working really hard on making this a perfect performance!”

“That’s good, that’s good!” He flipped to the next card in the stack he held and turned to the audience. “It’s really an honor to have Aurora with us again this year. A bunch of other wonderful artists are here and will be performing alongside Aurora like Black Pink, NCT 127, Cosmic Girls, and ASTRO!”

I plastered a smile on my face, remembering that we would be on stage with ASTRO. It’s not that I didn’t know - I knew perfectly well - I just dreaded the thought of it actually happening.

With that, the Q&A ended and we were rushed out to the stadium by staff members. It was incredibly hectic. There were different idols frantically running about trying to find their managers or perhaps their groupmates? I couldn’t tell because of the ear-splitting music that was coming from the main speakers. We were ushered to a nearby dressing room where we swiftly got changed into our appropriate outfits and had our hair and makeup done.

Kimmy sat in the chair next to me as we were getting done up. “So, how you feeling? Do you think you’re ready?”

“This time around I think I am,” I said with confidence. I had practiced really hard and for so long, too. If I was at a convention like this I couldn’t let anything ruin my mood.

“And about the other thing?” I knew she was hinting at being on stage with Rocky.

“We’ll see.” I relaxed and focused on the sound of the music coming from outside and the stylist’s intricate attention to detail with my makeup. I was going to do everything in my power to not let anything mess up the performance today.

Next, we were hooked up to our mics and were given an earpiece and an earplug each so that we could hear the track over the speakers and the sound of fans cheering and screaming. It was convenient technology. Once that was finished, our only task was to wait until it was our time to go up for the rookie stage. Luckily, in the backstage area, there were a few monitors where you could see footage of whoever was onstage at the time so you could tell when to go up and also just so you could stay entertained. I stood with my back pressed against the wall and looked up at the monitors watching SF9 finish up with their song “Roar.” I perked up when I heard them announce ASTRO up next.

As they walked on stage, I saw Rocky’s smiling face and felt my heart melt. In the months that had passed since we last talked I had avoided looking at any photos or videos of ASTRO. Man, I _really_ missed seeing that smile.

They went through a few of their songs including “Breathless” and “Confession” and I stood there in awe over their skill. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them perform live, yet I couldn’t help but watch with a grin slowly spreading across my face. They had that effect. They eventually finished with their songs, though, and started heading backstage again. I straightened up and moved away from my viewing area when I saw the group heading my way. I tried to keep my head ducked down so I wouldn’t have to make eye contact with anyone but, despite my best efforts, Rocky came up to me.

“Hey,” he said weakly. He seemed a bit reluctant to start talking with me, but then again, so was I. Even if it had been months and even if I had convinced myself that I was fine, I still didn’t feel ready. Not only had I left Rocky with such a vague answer the last time we talked, but I hadn’t spoken to him since then and I’m sure he wanted answers.

“Hey,” I replied. _Riveting conversation._

“How have you been?”

“Good…” I lied. Well, half-lied. I had been doing fine, but I wasn’t fine in that moment. I did not want to be in such a painfully awkward conversation.

We both glanced around and it felt almost reminiscent of our first date: trying to focus our eyes anywhere but on each other. Only, this time, it was for a different reason. Then, it was out of nervousness. Now, it was out of… Fear? Regret? It was hard to tell.

“I know now’s probably not the best time to ask, but please tell me. What happened? Why can’t we talk anymore?” He gently held onto my wrist, almost urging me to stay and answer.

I swallowed. “I told you already. My manager found out about us and told me that I had to stop talking to you. We… had to break up,” I forced the words out of my mouth. Rocky let go of my wrist with a hurt expression across his face. I couldn’t stand to see him like that longer so I turned to go find the rest of the group before it was our time to go up. “I need to go.”

Rocky didn’t say anything after that and watched me walk away. I navigated the narrow backstage corridors until I found my groupmates. They were getting their mics double checked and earpieces adjusted, so I joined as if I hadn’t been gone in the first place. Kimmy glanced over at me with a concerned look. I gave her a thumbs up and she nodded. She didn’t need to worry about me.

We walked onstage then. For the first time that day, everything slowed down. As if someone had turned on a slow-motion setting, I felt the sound of the bass pound throughout my whole body and I could hear my own heartbeat. We got into the first position for “Bounce” and I took a deep breath before the first verse started. This time, there was no Rocky in the audience. This time, I knew I could do it. Hana’s last line finished and I could almost hear the voices of the other girls. _‘Is she going to come in? Will she mess up this time again?’_

_‘I believe in you’_

As the bass hit, I jumped to my spot at the front of the stage and belted out my first line. I could’ve sworn that the cheers coming from the audience became louder at my success, but, either way, I delivered my lines with confidence and didn’t miss a single beat of choreography. My smile was genuine this time around and I couldn’t keep it off my face. For the first time in a long time, I threw all my troubles away and left it all to the music. Kimmy skipped past me as it came to her part and she flashed me a grin filled with pride. I gave her a quick hand heart before she started singing.

In only a few short minutes, our song was over and the last few seconds of instrumentals faded out. I panted but held my final pose until the audience erupted in applause. After a few moments we broke out of our positions and took our bows as we thanked everyone. We hurried backstage so that the next group could come on in time and were greeted by a less impressive sight than we had just been subject to. Staff members and managers scattered around to reach us and change our mics and earpieces and make sure we could change into our next outfit for the final few songs of the rookie stage.

As I handed my earpiece to a petite woman with a variety of wires coming from her belt, I noticed a figure rushing against the current of people. Rocky was clearly trying to reach me and say something but I was being pushed in the opposite direction towards our dressing rooms. I mouthed a large “Sorry” and followed the small lady so I could get changed.

If I thought that getting prepared for our solo performance was hectic, then I was in for a whole lot of mess when I stepped into the dressing room. Stylists had already begun stripping us down to our spandex and putting us in bright, colorful dresses, tugging our hair back to fix any imperfections, and reapplying any makeup that needed to be reapplied. I was pushed into multiple chairs throughout the experience and I soon came out of the dressing room dizzy and with a completely different look than I had gone in with. In less than five minutes, we were led back to the backstage area where all of the other rookie groups stood around and waited for the announcement of their special song.

First up would be the guys performing a short medley of debut songs from senior boy groups. It was hard to focus on any one group in particular since everyone looked fantastic. The guys, too, had changed into different outfits and were showcasing the amazing choreography from the original groups and of their own as well. Despite this, my eyes would still make their way back to Rocky, whether he was at the front of the stage or not. He seemed out of it and I couldn’t help but feel that he was putting up a facade like I had done before. I turned away from the monitor at the last second, hearing the loud screams from out in the stadium.

As the herd of boy groups came off the stage, I made sure to line up in the middle of the other girls and keep away from any spot where Rocky could see me. I quickly made my way onto the stage with the rest of the girls and, before I knew it, we had performed our medley. It was similar to the guys’, only with senior girl groups instead. Even if I was slightly down from my interactions with Rocky, Aurora’s successful performance and the exhilaration of singing and dancing alongside such amazing girls from other groups made me feel ten times better.

At last, the guys joined the stage with us and we separated ourselves: One half of the stage occupied by the girls and the other by the boys. The music played and the finale of the rookie stage began. It went back and forth, the boys singing/rapping one part of a sing and the girls almost “replying” with a part of another. It was amusing watching everyone playing into their roles and having fun with the performance. As I crossed the stage as a part of the choreography, I locked eyes with Rocky. I tried to avert my gaze but he stopped suddenly. I furrowed my brow in confusion and looked around, trying to see if anyone was noticing this. We were towards the back of the large formation and everyone was mixed about so I had a feeling that nobody seemed to see us.

“What are you doing?” I whispered to the best of my ability. I hoped that his hearing and lip-reading skills were good enough to receive my message and, thankfully, they were.

“I need to talk to you,” He replied. Around us, everyone was starting to move again for the next song in the medley and I was panicking.

“Sorry!” I mouthed yet again. I began to hurry over to my spot for the song but was tugged back by the wrist. I spun around and almost immediately was cushioned by Rocky’s chest. His lips were on my forehead and my breath caught in my chest. His lips were soft from chapstick and, all in all, he was warm against me. I’d like to believe it was for a more romantic-seeming reason, but, in reality, it was hot on stage and we were both sweating buckets. Still, my heart practically melted at the simple contact. It was unexplainable and… thrilling…

His lips left my forehead as soon as they had arrived and I found myself wishing it had lasted longer. I reached out, but he was back to his position before I could say anything. I ran back over to the rest of the girls and picked up my cheerful attitude again. Kimmy was standing next to me and I felt her lightly kick my foot to catch my attention. She gave a slight nod towards Rocky and gave me a look of sympathy. I simply faced forward again, giving no reply. My face was surely flushed red, but I ignored it and continued with the performance.

The finale finished with no other hindrances. Together, we all took a final bow. You could hear the sound of everyone on the stage breathing in syncopation, worn out from the intensity of the stage. Still, we stood tall with bright grins. 

However, I found myself feeling… bittersweet. Why was my heart sinking like this if I had so much to be proud of? Why did it not feel right? As two hosts walked on stage to begin wrapping up the stage, I finally let my smile falter.

I took in my surroundings for the first time since arriving at the convention. I loved being in front of an audience. My heart filled with joy every time I got to sing my heart out on stage. I only ever wanted to make others happy with my music. But I couldn’t ignore how I was feeling. I couldn’t ignore that it was technically mine and Rocky’s anniversary. I couldn’t ignore that I missed him. I couldn’t ignore that I still loved him.

I looked longingly over to the other side of the stage. Rocky managed to look nonchalant standing there, listening to the hosts. I could only imagine what he must have been thinking. He had been chasing after me the whole con and, hell, he even kissed me on stage! It was only on the forehead, but it was meaningful to me. I was so deep in thought that I almost didn’t notice him walking towards the front of the stage. I snapped out of my daze and stood at attention when I realized what was happening.

Rocky slowly strode over to the hosts once they had finished their concluding words. He pointed at the microphone, asking if he could use it. The hosts were confused, unsure whether they should let him speak or not. They handed the microphone over to him and I couldn’t believe what came from his mouth next.

“Everyone: Fans, friends, family, seniors, staff. I’m so glad to be at KCON again this year,” He began. One of the hosts immediately started translating what he was saying. “Last year’s KCON was really special for ASTRO. It was our first year at KCON and our first performance in America. We got to meet so many of the groups we look up to and made so many amazing friends. KCON was especially important to me because of one person in particular.” He turned back towards me and smiled. He motioned for me to walk up. I couldn’t think, but I felt my body moving forward on its own until I was standing right beside him.

“Last year, I met this amazing girl. She came up to me backstage and started a conversation with the weirdest thing: ‘Do you want some Peppero?’ Part of me thinks she was asking because she thought I was somebody else, but part of me thinks she asked because she thought I was cute.” Once the translator caught up with him, the audience all laughed. I turned red, debating whether or not to stop him. I decided to let him go. “So, she gave me a stick of Peppero and from there we started talking. Almost every day after that we would talk on the phone and, soon enough, we started dating.

But, one day, we finally went out on a date. A fan found us and the photos spread until our managers were informed. Before that, actually, Moonbin caught us. It was a really funny story; A story for another time. But, we were caught and we got in lots of trouble. She told me that we had to stop talking. She said it just like that: ‘We can’t talk. I’m sorry.’ But I knew she didn’t want to do it. I knew that it hurt her to say it just as much as it hurt me to hear it.

For a few months, we stopped talking. She told me that we had broken up. That tore me apart because I know she felt horrible saying that. So, I’m telling you all this so I can take a bullet for her. She’s gotten in so much trouble for me. She’s thrown her whole career on the line for me. So I will too.”

He turned to me and took a shaky breath. Even if he talked calmly, he was incredibly nervous. He took my hand in his. “I… I love you.”

My voice got stuck in my throat, no words escaping my lips. So I wrapped my arms around him in the biggest hug I could muster. All around us, I barely heard the incoherent chants of fans and even of some of the idols on stage. I lifted my head and heard one thing:

“Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!”

I looked up at Rocky and back towards the audience. He shrugged and held my face in his hands before pressing his lips to mine. The audience around us all cheered and applauded, louder than they had ever been before. The idols on stage crowded around in what I could only assume was meant to be some sort of group hug. When Rocky pulled away he looked down at me with a gentle smile.

“So, does that mean we’re back together?”

I rolled my eyes and kissed him on the cheek. “Does that answer your question?”

I knew I was in for a lot of trouble and a loud earful from my manager, but, with everything the both of us had gone through to get there, I think it was worth it. That year had been wild, filled with ups and downs and lots of running. I had told lots of little lies, but, ultimately, I told the biggest lie I’d ever told anyone. Sure, I told my manager and my groupmates countless lies about this relationship. But, somehow, I told myself that I could forget about Park Minhyuk.

_And boy was I wrong._


	7. Epilogue

“So, tell us! How is your solo promotion going?” The radio host leaned forward in her chair, enthusiastic about the questions at hand.

“It’s been really good so far! I’m glad to be making my solo debut soon. I’ve been really excited about making my own music in this industry and, honestly, I don’t think I could’ve gotten this chance without the girls of Aurora.” I sat in the cushioned seat with my legs crossed. It had been years since Aurora debuted and I was starting to work on solo music. We, of course, still performed together, but my manager decided that it would be a good idea to start a solo career as well. After talking it out with the girls, they agreed and decided to support me in all of my promotions.

“That’s really good! It’s so nice that you’re so close to your groupmates. You’re like a real family.” She couldn’t have been more right. “And, tell me, what’s this I hear about an engagement?”

I smiled humbly. I peered down at the ring on my finger, watching the light bounce off of it. “Ah, yeah! My fiance proposed only about two weeks ago. I’m really excited to take this next step in our relationship.”

“And who’s the lucky guy?” She leaned in with anticipation.

“Well, it’s a funny story actually. I’m sure you know of ASTRO’s rapper, Rocky. Well, it all started at KCON 2016. From there, I told the biggest lie I had ever told….”


End file.
